14. The Resourcing Series, Part 3; Self-Directed Support

Oct 22, 2019

4 min read

Updated: Oct 18, 2023

**Please note: In this post, I do not write about specific traumas. I never write any explicit details.**

What Can I Offer Myself?

During recovery from sexual trauma, I've needed a lot of support. This tremendous need for help is a reflection of the tremendous damage I've endured. I've needed professional guidance and I've needed community support. I've also needed my own personal support just as much as either of the other two categories. The combination of support from all 3 areas is my trifecta of help.

When I am truly devoted to correcting the imbalance in my life introduced by sexual trauma, I actively participate in facilitating this change I seek. The idea of self-directed support walks an interesting line between concepts of self-sufficiency and personal empowerment. I am not isolated, so it is not up to me to heal all by myself without the assistance of anyone else. I am also not simply a recipient of repairs bestowed upon me by others, so it is not in my interest to rely upon their blessings to the exclusion of assisting myself. I need to do my work, and seek help from other resources too.

How I Support Myself

I recognize my critical contribution to my healing, because I play a central role in it. It's not my job to just receive goodness. I must make goodness as well. I can't only look to others to do this for me. No matter how much good I am surrounded with, it is on me to absorb that goodness and utilize it. It is also on me to generate some of that good I attempt to absorb. I acknowledge the importance of my role to keep myself connected to the healing process. This is about me, what I went through, and where I want to go now. Staying aware of how this all plays out for me is part of the reason why I want to heal. I matter.

I know that I can make a difference in my own life. I experience the autonomy felt as the leader of my healing journey, and tap into my inner guidance. I have a larger capacity to intervene on my behalf than I previously realized. I have a certain level of power, though it's more accurate to call it ability. I show myself my potential as a reminder that no matter what my past includes, it won't have the power to define my future for me against my will. I may not have the capacity to change the past, but I have every opportunity to create the kind of future I want, need, and deserve. I have a say.

I demonstrate a commitment to my success. When I take action on my behalf, I indicate my determination to thrive. This isn't a haphazard attempt to feel better. It's a daily devotion to feeling better. It requires dedication, research, planning, fulfillment, and faithfulness to the process. I show myself this commitment to stand up for myself, be dependable, and know I can count on myself. There was no one to rescue me then, but I play that role for myself now. I take care of myself.

I show myself love. Self care is an expression of love. I give my body what it needs to function well, and that allows me to do some of the harder work because I know I'm taken care of, so that frees up energy for the challenging and often energetically, emotionally and physically depleting process of recovery Basically, I've got my back and will make sure I have everything I need to do what I need to do. I show myself this love because I deserve this love. I deserve this type of respect for my wellbeing. This is an intentional act of re-writing the wrong messages I shouldn't have learned or internalized about myself from what happened to me. I am repairing.

Self-Help Moments

My work is complex, though parts of it can seem simple. I place a large focus on my physical health because it's a basic need, but I take all of my needs seriously as well. Self-care is more than just giving myself enough water and good nutrition and making sure I get exercise and plenty of sleep. It's also about what it means to do those things for myself. When I attend to my physical needs, it gives my body all the more reason to feel like it can relax and turn off the alarm bells. I also connect to my faith as an act of self-care, which unites me with restorative love. This personal connection is a key feature that provides me with hope and comfort. I sometimes utilize intentional breathing, meditation, and mindfulness to reframe my current viewpoint. These practices slow me down, and offer me some moments of perspective and clarity when I am wound up or panicking. I give myself opportunities to learn and seek out self-help programs because I want to be as informed and effective as possible. I express myself through my creativity, which has been one of the most magical forms of self-care I've experienced. Creativity is freedom to envision and manifest my vision for healing. It has been transformative in my journey of recovery.

These are just some of the many ways I self-support, in conjunction with additional supports sought through community and professionals. There are so many more ways to lead a self-support team. If you seek it out and it is for your highest good, chances are, it's going to help in some way. That every survivor may know personal resources that are supportive!

#MeToo

#SelfLove