13. The Resourcing Series, Part 2; Community Support

Oct 17, 2019

6 min read

Updated: Oct 18, 2023

The more lanterns, the more illumination.

**Please note: In this post, I do not write about specific traumas. I never write any explicit details.**

The Power Of Community Support

It's so important to seek refuge with significant people in our lives during healing from sexual trauma. Social support and community connections wonderfully impact my wellbeing, and are especially valuable. When I spend time with family, friends, colleagues, classmates, mentors, club members, group members, teammates, and animals who are dear to me, I step into community, strengthen alliances, and avert isolation.

Being involved in community has a lot of benefits. There is a sense of being a part of something larger than myself. I remember that we are allies to each other, and that reminds me of my worth. There are others united with me, and people who have my back, just as I have theirs. When I stand with my communities, I notice our collective abilities, the type of capacities I don't necessarily feel on my own, but that astound when we are together.

I prize the people in my life and the connections I am blessed to rely upon. As a survivor, I need even more positives in my life to counterbalance the negatives. I am that much more in need of abundant advocacy, not only to help me directly cope with physical and emotional atrocities, health and safety risks, and literal terrors, but also to offset the impacts of those contexts by filling up my life with kindness, laughter, and encouragement. During recovery after sexual trauma, it is so helpful to feel bolstered by family and friends, school or work, and interactions with members of my community. It's what I offer to them during their times of need as well.

I fare better when I count on people and vice versa, sustain close emotional relationships, and enjoy companions, rather than when I isolate. Isolation is particularly dangerous to my mental health when I struggle, though for many people, it is often sought specifically during such times. As a person battling something tormenting, I sometimes feel so wracked by fear or distress that it makes interacting seem nearly impossible. It is relatively common to hide away from the ones who care about me, but those are the moments when I am assisted most by extra reinforcements. Separating myself from people creates even more challenges when coping with my agony. Feelings of inclusion counteract the separateness of my struggles.

Both/And

I don't want recovery from sexual trauma to take me out of commission from the rest of my life, but for many of us, it threatens to do exactly that. To act like everything is fine is inauthentic, so I don't pretend that problems don't exist, yet I don't want to wait until I feel 100% better before I celebrate again. I want to have some fun, even if I'm still working through a lot. I want to give my recovery what it deserves, and I also don't want that to take up all of my precious time. Personal relationships facilitate both recuperation and renewal. There is equal value in processing challenges as there is in just spending time with people I cherish and appreciating our moments together. Fortunately, there are some amazing people with whom I do both.

Sometimes, support is direct, involving conversations about healing. When I spend time with special people in my life, there are occasions to have intentional discussions about my challenges and my healing processes. For me, a key facilitator of bonding with those I trust is through our talks. It means so much to me that people invest their time, attention, and energy into my wellbeing through our heart-to-heart's. I truly believe that dialogues about my hardships need to take place between me and those I love and trust in order for me to feel sufficiently heard and affirmed.

Sometimes, support includes stepping away from painful memories to spend time with people in more light-hearted contexts. Taking a break to laugh rejuvenates me. That doesn't mean the struggles any survivor faces are easy to forget or leave behind. Even amidst positive interactions with loyal friends, sometimes hurt isn't temporarily suspended, but that time is still good for healing. Even if it doesn't feel like it makes anything better in the moment, I am convinced that in the long run, sustaining valued attachments to people in my life has made a lasting impact on my resiliency. I have conversations and share adventures that are enjoyable and genuine. I savor new experiences, strengthen ties with people I care about, and celebrate.

Resetting The Balance

One of the fantastic things about connecting with my people is that when I engage in sincere interactions with family and friends, it helps me create positive memories to offset the negative memories from painful events. These positive events don't eliminate my wounds, but remind me that there is life in addition to them. Efforts to offset the scale and re-establish balance are incredibly valuable and create amazing results. When trauma is all I see, and it seems to inhabit my entire life, there's not much peace. When I shift my emotional scale from heavily weighing on the side of torture and despair to outweighing it with the counter of joy and happiness, something wonderful happens. When trauma is reduced in its size compared to other awesome facets of my life, the trauma doesn't have that same threatening potential because it has to contend with adversaries that are bigger than it and stronger than it. I have realized that I'm larger than my trauma, that there are far more wonderful pieces of my life than there are horrible pieces, and that even though PTSD has attempted to steal my sanity, it won't win.

Quality Of Life

My relationships play a major role in the quality of my life, my mental health, and my happiness. Love and connection are incredibly meaningful to me, and impact my sense of self, my ability to see possibilities, and my hope for the future. These bonds matter so much to my ability to cope with stress and face challenges. The comfort I give to and receive from my people and animals bolsters me to be able to overcome any obstacle, even the potentially grueling task of recovery after sexual trauma.

Social support from family and friends has been crucial for me, both prior to trauma and in its wake. My communities remind me that I am loved, I matter, and my presence makes a difference in their lives. I aim to ensure that they feel the same sentiments expressed to them through our interactions. There's nothing quite like being a part of a positive impact, and that is exactly how I feel with some of my nearest and dearest. I'm fortunate that other souls who are also survivors understand me. The ways we are able to validate, encourage, and inspire each other always astonishes me for its incomparable power. The community of survivors is a circle that has filled me with hope, reminded me of the necessity that I speak up, and assured me to never, ever think I'm alone in my personal suffering.

Although spending time with my favorites doesn't necessarily make me forget about my pain, the love I express and absorb is magical. Those who love me show so much care and compassion. The most powerful forms of love I've felt from other people have been to listen to me, believe me, and respect me. These have been critical to my recovery. Of all the tools for combatting PTSD, I may not have given love the most airtime, but it's had the most profound effect on me. It is love that drives me to want a future free from sexual injury for everyone. If sexual trauma has disrupted your life, I wish you glorious healing, and lots and lots of love to aid you along your journey.

#MeToo

#LoveHeals