29. Not Defined By Statistics

Dec 5, 2019

4 min read

Updated: Oct 18, 2023

There are so many stars that generate incredible radiance!

**Please note: In this post, I do not write about specific traumas. I never write any explicit details.**

You Are Not A Number

You are a person, not a statistic. Files may include information about what you endured, but they could never fully describe who you are. You cannot be summed up in number form, nor can you be accurately defined by anyone other than yourself. Your definition can only ever be authored by you because you are the one with full authority to add to or refine from your self-definition.

Some events in your life, including sexual trauma, are included in statistical representation. Of course, we are a long way off from accurate measurements, because we are far from everyone feeling safe enough to report, so the current data have yet to portray the severity of the epidemic. I've often read guesstimates, but each time, I find myself both shocked at how pronounced the numbers look, while at the same time intuitively recognizing that those figures are only based on documented events, and therefore are a drastic under-representation of how large-scale this problem actually is, and how many are actually affected.

What The Numbers Can't Describe

No amount of awful has the right to derail your true potential. No statistic could accurately portray the type of healing trajectory before you as a survivor. No chart can predict how your life can change moving forward. No percentage can explain how to transition from suffering to blossoming. That is because most of the data we hear about talks predominantly about victimhood, but fails to recognize survivorhood, and doesn't even contemplate thriverhood. So when thinking about what this all means in your life, I remind you that you are so much more than a number. Your life is so much larger than anything that could be confined to a listed incidence of sexual abuse. Your future is so much brighter than any shadow that interrupted your journey.

For those of us who suffered sexual injury, whether or not it resulted in the additional burden of PTSD in response, there is an astonishing potential for post-traumatic growth. This is not in any way conflating pain with healing, because one does not directly result in the next, but rather, recognizing that it is possible to reach a place of healing that opens new doors. I don't see any of my personal growth as a result of my traumas themselves, but rather as a result of my commitment to heal, my incredibly resources, and my devotion to never giving up.

Is healing a guarantee? No. Is healing possible? Yes. The incredibly challenging and draining energetic and physical challenge of recovery after sexual assault cannot be understated. Healing is hard work, and no number can demonstrate the extent to which this is true. If you are a survivor, I couldn't tell you what percentage of your physical, mental, emotional, or soul's energy might be involved in your healing process. I couldn't predict how much time or how many different efforts might be involved, nor how extensively you might need to work to accomplish the miracles of healing. We survivors prove miracles each day when we take back our voices, regain our senses of self, and work to lift the inaccurate blame that has been yoked to so many of our shoulders.

Where We Defy

I'd like to emphasize that being a survivor of sexual trauma cannot limit our capacity to shine. Nothing has the power to remove our inner light, and though for some of us, it can feel dampened for a time, it is still alive within us to be stoked once again, or possibly for the very first time. Even where the threat of hopelessness creates an injury that might seem impossible to recover from, it is still possible to heal.

That it is even possible to heal from such extreme injuries is astonishing. When healing takes place surrounding a massive wound, it can look different than we might predict. The path of healing might not seem textbook for aesthetically pretty. The healing process can be ugly and messy, yet after an extreme injury, the intensity of radiance that issues forth from a location of actual recovery is inarguably awesome. A healed result is glorious and no one could legitimately claim it to be anything other than beautiful. Sometimes, this can happen, seemingly, against all odds.

The point of healing isn't to embody beauty. The point of healing is to return to self, or perhaps to find and love the self for the very first time. When we are able to love ourselves, we recognize our own inner beauty, our soul's beauty, and our spirit's beauty. The type of beauty we recognize in ourselves is lasting and won't fade with time, but instead, only strengthens and grows. Love is beautiful and coats everything it touches with glitter. Like a BeDazzler from the 1980's, love can turn anything ordinary into a jewel-encrusted sparkling sight. This is the type of self-love every survivor deserves.

#MeToo

#NotAStatistic